My best friend, Mia, meant well when she offered to set me up on a date, but her skills as a matchmaker were completely untested.
\n\u201cHe\u2019s super nice, Kelly! Total gentleman. You\u2019ll love him,\u201d Mia insisted over the phone while I rummaged through my closet.
\n\u201cYou\u2019ve never set me up before,\u201d I reminded her. \u201cWhat makes you think you know my type?\u201d
\n\u201cBecause I know you better than anyone,\u201d she replied confidently. \u201cPlus, Chris vouches for him too. They\u2019ve been friends for ages.\u201d<\/p>\n
That gave me pause. Chris, Mia\u2019s boyfriend, was a pretty good judge of character. If he thought this Eric guy was decent, maybe there was hope.
\n\u201cFine,\u201d I sighed. \u201cShow me a picture at least.\u201d
\nA moment later, my phone pinged with an incoming message.
\nThe guy in the photo wasn\u2019t bad looking: clean-cut, well-dressed, with a warm smile that reached his eyes.
\n\u201cOkay, he\u2019s cute,\u201d I admitted.<\/p>\n
\u201cTold you!\u201d Mia squealed. \u201cText him and set it up. You won\u2019t regret it, I promise.\u201d
\nAfter a few casual texts, I agreed to meet Eric for dinner at a new Italian place with a great view of the river. Nothing too fancy, but nice enough for a first date.
\nI arrived five minutes early and waited near the entrance, like we\u2019d agreed. I was nervously checking my appearance with my phone camera when I spotted him approaching the restaurant.
\nMy pulse quickened a little. The photo hadn\u2019t lied \u2014 he was attractive in that clean-cut, business-casual way, and he carried himself with confidence.
\nWhat I hadn\u2019t expected was the bouquet of roses in his hand.
\nNot cheap grocery store flowers, but an actual professional arrangement tied with a ribbon.
\n\u201cYou must be Kelly,\u201d he said, flashing that same warm smile from his photo. \u201cThese are for you.\u201d
\n\u201cWow, thank you,\u201d I replied, genuinely surprised as I accepted them. \u201cYou didn\u2019t have to do that.\u201d
\n\u201cFigured I\u2019d start the night off right,\u201d he said, handing me the flowers.
\nBut that wasn\u2019t all.
\nHe reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small gift box tied with a cyan bow.
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d I asked, my eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
\n\u201cJust a little something. Open it,\u201d he encouraged.
\nInside was a sleek silver keychain with the letter \u201cK\u201d engraved on it. It was tasteful and personalized, something that required thought.
\n\u201cSomething just for you,\u201d he said smoothly. \u201cI asked Mia what you might like.\u201d
\nI was honestly impressed. Flowers and a thoughtful gift on a first date? This man was clearly making a statement. Either he was seriously interested, or he was the king of first impressions.
\n\u201cThis is really nice of you,\u201d I said, genuinely touched. \u201cThank you.\u201d
\nEric continued his gentlemanly routine without missing a beat. He opened the door, pulled out my chair, and maintained steady eye contact throughout our conversation.
\nHe asked thoughtful questions about my job as a graphic designer, remembered details about my family that I\u2019d only mentioned in passing during our texts, and made me feel like the most interesting person in the room.
\n\u201cSo what made you agree to this setup?\u201d he asked after we\u2019d ordered our meals.
\n\u201cMia can be very persuasive,\u201d I laughed. \u201cPlus, she and Chris both vouched for you, which rarely happens.\u201d
\n\u201cThey\u2019re a great couple,\u201d he nodded. \u201cChris and I go way back to college. He\u2019s always been a stand-up guy.\u201d
\nThe conversation flowed naturally from there.
\nWe discovered shared interests in true crime podcasts and documentaries about strange subcultures.
\nHe told amusing stories about his job as a marketing manager, and I caught myself thinking this might be the best first date I\u2019d ever had.
\nWhen the check came, I reached for my purse.
\n\u201cAbsolutely not,\u201d Eric said firmly, putting his card down on the check presenter before I could even open my purse. \u201cA man pays on the first date.\u201d
\nHis tone surprised me a little. It wasn\u2019t just polite, but final, almost like he was reciting an unbreakable rule.
\nI paused for half a second, then shrugged. \u201cOkay, if you insist. Thank you.\u201d
\nI wasn\u2019t about to argue over a free meal, especially after such a pleasant evening. We walked out together, and he asked if he could call me again soon.
\n\u201cI\u2019d like that,\u201d I replied, and meant it.
\nHe hugged me goodbye (a perfect balance of friendly and interested without being creepy). I drove home with a smile on my face thinking that was one of the most amazing first dates I\u2019d ever been on.
\nThe next morning, I woke up to a notification from Eric. My sleepy brain expected a cute \u201chad a great time\u201d text, but instead, I saw an attachment.
\nI made coffee and then returned to bed. Curious, I opened it, expecting maybe a photo from the restaurant or something similarly innocuous.
\nIt was an invoice. A professionally formatted, detailed invoice.
\nAt the top, in bold professional font:
\nDate Night Invoice \u2013 Amount Due: 1 Outstanding Balance.
\nUnderneath that was a full breakdown of services rendered with attached charges.
\nAt first, I thought it was a joke; some weird attempt at humor that wasn\u2019t quite landing. But as I read through it, my morning coffee nearly came back up.
\nThe so-called services he\u2019d listed were utterly ridiculous and made me see his gentlemanly charm in a whole new light.
\nBouquet of Roses: 1 hug
\nCustom Keychain Gift: 1 coffee date (scheduled within one week)
\nOpening Car Door: A cute selfie together
\nPulling Out Chair: Holding hands on the next date
\nEngaging Conversation & Active Listening: A compliment about my looks
\nFull Dinner + Tip Covered: A second date, no excuses
\nBut the real kicker, the bit that made me realize he\u2019d sent this invoice in earnest, appeared at the bottom in bold text.
\nPayment is expected in full. No refunds. Failure to comply may result in an outstanding balance being sent to collections (Chris will hear about it).
\nLooking forward to your prompt payment!
\nMy jaw hit the floor.
\nIt would\u2019ve been bad enough if he\u2019d expected monetary compensation, but charging me with required affection and attention? Who does that?
\nI screenshot the invoice immediately and sent it to Mia. Her response was instant.
\n\u201cOH. MY. GOD. I\u2019M SHOWING THIS TO CHRIS RIGHT NOW.\u201d
\n\u201cIs this real life???\u201d I typed back, still in disbelief. \u201cHe\u2019s serious about this!\u201d
\n\u201cWait till Chris sees this. He\u2019s going to LOSE IT,\u201d she replied.
\nFive minutes later, my phone rang.
\nIt was Chris, and he was howling with laughter.
\n\u201cKelly, I can\u2019t believe this,\u201d he managed between gasps. \u201cI\u2019ve known this dude for years and never, not once, did I think he\u2019d pull something this insane.\u201d
\n\u201cSo, this isn\u2019t a joke?\u201d I asked.
\n\u201cNo way,\u201d Chris confirmed. \u201cEric\u2019s always been a bit\u2026 intense about dating, but this is next level. Okay, we need to get back at this dude.\u201d
\nChris was the mastermind of next-level pettiness.
\nInstead of just roasting Eric in their group chat, he planned to take it up a notch.
\n\u201cI\u2019m making an identical invoice,\u201d he declared. \u201cSame formatting, fake legal tone, ridiculous charges, the works.\u201d
\nAn hour later, Chris sent me his creation.
\nIn it, he\u2019d listed a series of charges for putting me through this nonsense that left me in stitches.
\nService Invoice \u2013 Amount Due: A Lifetime of Silence
\nIntroducing You to a Gorgeous Woman: 1 permanent block on all platforms
\nConvincing Her You Were a Gentleman: A deep, personal reflection on why you\u2019re single
\nLetting You Sit at the Same Table as Her: A formal apology to all women you\u2019ve dated before
\nNot Exposing You to the Entire Internet: A generous gift you should be grateful for
\nPayment is due IMMEDIATELY. Failure to comply may result in public humiliation. Cheers!
\n\u201cThis is perfect,\u201d I texted him. \u201cSend it!\u201d
\n\u201cForwarded!\u201d He replied a moment later.
\nNot long afterward, my phone lit up with a series of increasingly angry messages from Eric.
\n\u201cWow, really mature.\u201d
\n\u201cI was just trying to set realistic expectations; not everyone is rich.\u201d
\n\u201cChris is a terrible friend.\u201d
\n\u201cYou just missed out on a GREAT guy.\u201d
\nI didn\u2019t bother engaging. What was there to say to someone who thought human connection worked on a transaction basis? I just sent him a thumbs-up emoji and blocked his number.
\nMia called me later that night, still laughing about the whole situation.
\n\u201cI\u2019m so sorry,\u201d she said. \u201cI really thought he was normal. Chris had no idea he was like this either.\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t worry about it,\u201d I replied, surprising myself with how unbothered I felt. \u201cWe all got a great story out of it, at least.\u201d
\n\u201cTrue,\u201d she agreed. \u201cThis is officially going to be told at every party for the next decade.\u201d
\nThe whole experience left me with one golden rule for dating: If a guy insists on paying, make sure he\u2019s not going to send you an invoice afterward.
\nThe keychain, though? I kept it. Not because it reminded me of Eric, but because it was a hilarious souvenir from the weirdest date of my life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My best friend, Mia, meant well when she offered to set me up on a date, but her skills as a matchmaker were completely untested. \u201cHe\u2019s super nice, Kelly! Total gentleman. You\u2019ll love him,\u201d Mia insisted over the phone while I rummaged through my closet. \u201cYou\u2019ve never set me up before,\u201d I reminded her. \u201cWhat […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-353","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/353","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=353"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/353\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":354,"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/353\/revisions\/354"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=353"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=353"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/usenglishstory.bestlistproduct.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=353"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}